My mom and I expected to hear that I had a sprain or maybe a stress fracture. Instead, as the orthopedist mounted the X-ray on the screen, he delivered unwelcome news.
“You have a growth inside your right tibia. Near the ankle.” Dr. Y announced.
“Is it benign? Is it safe to walk? Do we need to take it out right away?” My mom questioned with grave concern.
The doctor intensified the alarm, recommending a prompt, invasive surgery, and describing a recovery that would require 12 weeks in a cast.
As the adults talked, I imagined my high school athletic career and social life careening off a cliff. I was still a high school freshman, and this could completely change my future.
That night we talked about the importance of the second opinion we would seek out at Mt Sinai hospital. They had a renown expert in these kinds of growths. He might recommend a different path forward.
Not all crises require immediate action
At Mt Sinai, Dr. Springfield explained that I had a “non-ossifying fibroma.” While not malignant (cancer) it was serious. The growth had replaced most of the inside of my bone with a spongy tissue, meaning that a sudden impact could shatter my leg.
Dr. Springfield recommended surgery, but not imminently. Unless the tumor continued to grow, I could delay treatment as long as I acted with caution. We’d spend the next few months monitoring growth with spaced out CT scans.
“Is there anything we can do in the meantime?” My dad asked the doctor as we started to wrap up.
“Not really. Be careful as we talked about. And try not to get too stressed about it. This will be ok.”
I would have to change my routines. I’d also need to discover next level patience.
Easier said than done…
Reducing stress in an anxious time
Not long after we met with Dr. Springfield, my Dad presented me with a firm but loving proposal.
“I’d like you to learn to meditate.” he stated.
I listened with curiosity. Since he learned Transcendental Meditation in 1971, my dad almost never missed a session. I knew how important the practice was to him.
“It’s not going to make the tumor go away, but it will help you manage stress,” he continued. “It could also help you heal when it comes to a post-surgery recovery.”
A few days later we drove down to a meditation center in Connecticut for an introductory class around the technique. After that I could begin the three-day course.
The meditation center was in a low-rise office building and the office itself was small enough to be an apartment. The main room had a few rows of chairs offering various cushioning. The rows faced a flat screen TV, flanked by two easels with extensive diagrams. The instructor greeted us and introduced herself. Then she began to explain the key ideas of the practice.
An example of the type of diagram used to explain transcendental meditation (tm.org)
Entering a new mental state
Over the next several days I learned the techniques of Transcendental Meditation and experienced a glimpse of a different way of being. Core to the TM technique is silently repeating a private “mantra”. This meaningless sound provides a gentle magnet that keeps the mind centered. At first my repeating the sound created an almost trance-like experience, but I remained fully in control. It felt intensely calming, reinforcing a strong awareness of my body and surroundings, but I also felt noticeably detached from the typical stream of ideas, worries, memories, and plans.
Image generated with DALL-E.
Going back to my typical habits as a high school sophomore armed with this new skill-set shifted my mindset. Waking up extra early to fit in a meditation slowed down the frenetic pace of rushing out the door. Meditating before dinner or after getting my homework done helped me transition between activities and often experience them with more clarity and less stress. I also noticed my sleep falling into more consistent patterns and my ability to operate with less sleep greatly improved.
The following year I had my tumor removed. It took months for my leg to heal but in spite of the physical trauma, I stayed in good spirits. My meditation habit offered one source of stability and wellness.
A habit of sitting in non-action
I’ve now meditated almost daily for 24 years. I’ve meditated in different countries, at different times of day, and different settings, although I prefer to sit on the couch at home without a pending alarm or annoying background noise.
For almost a decade I’ve used the Calm app to fortify my practice, even if TM is my foundation. Calm is not related to TM, but the soundscapes pair well with the practice. I enjoy the daily guided meditations from Tamara Levitt and Jeff Warren, and I find the tracking for reinforcing a daily habit effective (I once maintained a 426 day unbroken streak!)
Yet even with these tools, maintaining the daily habit can be difficult.
Like other meditators in this busy world, my to-do list and demands of parenting two young kids competes with my desire to sit in non-action. There are days when I am in constant motion from 5:30am until 10pm or later.
If meditation is valid self-care, how does falling behind help my stress?
If meditation increases productivity, is it enough to make up for lost time?
At times it feels contradictory to my goals to pause and meditate.
However, resolving goal contradiction is probably meditation’s most potent power.
The value of non-action
Google can find at least 1,500 results for Gandhi’s popular statement that "I have so much to accomplish today that I must meditate for two hours instead of one.” Most of the articles that use this quotation either argue that personal wellness is more important that productivity, or that meditation is a productivity super-power.
I don’t dispute these benefits, but sometimes these benefits aren’t enough.
Is it possible that Gandhi was saying something else altogether?
Remember, meditation is the art of non-action.
When we embrace non-action, our orientation to goals shifts.
When we delay action on certain goals, we can recognize their potential flaws. We sit with and can accept the outcomes that are out of our control, we can let go of goals with limited value, and we can refuse to contribute to goals that run contrary to our values.
Gandhi didn’t advocate meditation for personal wellness. He didn’t preach ruthless efficiency.
He advocated for meditation to increase alignment of action to purpose.
Gandhi led a movement of national independence not through ceaseless activity, but more often through a refusal to act according to the laws and customs that he disagreed with. He not only meditated but he also fasted and prayed, he used a hand-loom to make his own clothes, and he sat in prison (arrested 13 times in total).
Gandhi knew he couldn’t personally produce independence. In fact, no action alone, even from masses of people, could deliver the goal.
Instead, it was non-action at scale that ultimately made the British occupation too much trouble to maintain. So Gandhi taught that, through his words and actions.
It took a long time for India to achieve independence. However, his indomitable patience, replicated by millions of brave followers, eventually won out. In the end it left a legacy that changed the global order, deeply challenged the status quo in India, and inspired movements from the US to South Africa.
If all that can stem from non-action in the 20th century, what could non-action help bring forth in the 21st?
Meditate on that for a little bit.
Throwing up peace signs at Gandhi’s Ashram in Ahmedabad, March 2007.
A few tips and resources
Whether you’re a seasoned meditator, a dabbler, or someone who’s never tried, here are a few tips before you go:
Reflect (Pause, 2 minutes, right now). Before you close the tab or switch windows, take a deep breath. Straighten your back and roll back your shoulders. How do you feel? Tune into your body. Reflect on what this newsletter brought up for you while reading. What do you want to take with you into your day? Articulate that to yourself in your mind. Now savor that feeling of clarity, and let your lips curl into a smile.
Boost your practice (Plan, 10 minutes, this week). I mentioned a few programs above; here’s where you can find them:
Transcendental meditation: do a little research about this long-standing practice and organization. Sign up for a class or program.
Calm: my “mindfulness” app choice, you can explore lots of different guided meditations and meditation supporting features.
Study Gandhi (Process, 3+ hours, this month): watch a film, read a book, or both.
Watch the 3+ hour 1982 Academy Award winning film on Apple TV or Amazon Prime video. I used to show this in my high school world history class and we’d analyze it along with primary sources.
Check out the super in-depth study of leadership contrasting Gandhi and Churchill and examining their relationship: Gandhi and Churchill: The Epic Rivalry that Destroyed an Empire and Forged Our Age (at 30+ hours on Audible, it’s 10x the time so not a light investment).
Well said, Joe!